Day 19: Self-Compassion and Connection

 Welcome to 40 Days of Mindfulness and Compassion Day 19!

 

Lecture

 There are several components to an act of compassion: 1) Understanding the suffering that exists, 2) Being to be emotionally and motivationally moved by this understanding, and 3) an active desire or wish that this suffering be alleviated, including possibility an attempt to do so.

The first step is extremely important. As indicated earlier, our habitual response to suffering or stress is not to be with it, but rather, to either be overwhelmed/distressed by it or to avoid/resist it. To be with it is a balanced and courageous approach and takes courage and practice. This is true of our own suffering as well as that of others. Can we hold our own difficulties lightly in our attention? Can we learn to take a balanced approach to witnessing and being with our own difficulties, one that overcomes the extremes of avoidance and distress?

This takes practice and dedication, but the results can be quite transformative. Many of us never learned a template or developed skills to be with our own experiences, perhaps most particularly our experiences of difficulty. We might have been “told” in our families of origin that certain experiences were “bad,” and might have even learned to not acknowledge or experience certain mental states. We might have become scared of our own emotions. Or, many of us might have never learned to identify our own emotions.

What gets in the way for many of us is our own comparing mind. We tend to compare our experience to the experience of others or to our own expectations of what our experience should be. Unfortunately, if we live from this perspective, then we are never truly “comfortable in our own skin.” We may minimize our own difficulties; feel guilt or shame in their presence, or go the other extreme and catastrophize. A key and very important step in the practice of self-compassion is just to be with what is there with loving presence. This “simple” act, in and of itself, can usher in a new way of self-relating.

We can learn to be with our own difficulties, without comparing and evaluating. It is like being a good friend to yourself. In doing so we come to view our own difficulties from the perspective of “common humanity.” We have difficulties, but these connect us to the human family. Thus, as was discussed yesterday, self-compassion can naturally flow over into compassion for others.

In the practice today, we will use self-compassion as a means for self-understanding as well as a means to reaching out and building connection and community.

 

Meditation Day 19: Self-Compassion, Opportunity and Connection

 

Self-Reflective Activity

Try to pause periodically throughout the day during your daily activities. Just pause and breathe for a bit, then very gently look at your current experience. Ask yourself: “How is my experience right now? Observe and gently note what is there. If any difficulty is there, as you breathe in  silently recite to yourself: “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering human. ” As you breathe out, silently recite to yourself: “I offer myself kindness and compassion.” If you are comfortable doing this, it can be very beneficial to place on open palm on your heart center as you do this exercise.