Day 30: Self-Compassion

Welcome to 40 Days of Mindfulness and Compassion Day 30!

 

Lecture

The topic of self-compassion is an important and interesting one. It is currently increasing in popularity. Initially, I was skeptical of self-compassion but now consider it veryimportant for modern mindsets. As such, it will be revisited again today. Contemplative practices work on us gradually. To me personally, self-compassion is a practice that I benefit from returning to time and time again.

As I mentioned, I was at first skeptical of self-compassion. I encountered it as I was training to be a teacher of Stanford’s Compassion Cultivation Training program. Two of the eight modules in the Stanford program are devoted to self-compassion. In my mind, self-compassion was “pop-psychology” and very much an inferior form of compassion. After all, I had been engaged in real meditation practices!! Why would I need self-compassion? I probably could not have articulated them directly at the time, but I can clearly see these biases in hindsight.

Before beginning our training as instructors, we went through the program as participants. I noticed that, in the weeks where we covered and discussed self-compassion, I had pretty much not participated. I had barely engaged with the practices, and was unable to offer much to group discussions regarding the practices. At the same time, some of my most respected colleagues were obviously having some meaningful experiences with the self-compassion practices. This caused me to look into my own avoidance and resistances.

I then dove pretty hard into the self-compassion practices. At first, I felt as if nothing was happening during my practice sessions. I typically felt kind of numb or blank, but was able to regularly sit with the practice. Gradually, I noticed some effects in daily life, and have continued with self-compassion practices through the present. Sometimes I think of it as “softening the edges” of self-criticism and other self-defeating attitudes, and increasing self-understanding and kindness.

Sharon Salzberg tells a story of beginning self-lovingkindness practice for the first time in earnest by going into a personal one-month retreat. She reported that she felt like “nothing was happening” throughout the month. Shortly after the retreat she dropped and broke an expensive object at a crowded event. She noticed that her self-evaluation and self-talk was not self-denigrating and judgmental, but rather, was humorous and compassionate.

Self-compassion is also a possible gateway into deeper levels of compassion. In practice, self-compassion and compassion reinforce one another. For instance, an important part of some approaches to self-compassion is a re-evaluation of our own stress and difficulties. This often involves tapping into the common humanity aspect of our own suffering. We come to understand our own suffering as a common human experience that actually connects us to others, and not an experience that is constricted and isolated.  This transformation of perception can both increase self-compassion as well as empathy and compassion for others.

 

Day 30 Meditation: Self-Compassion

 

Self-Reflective Activity

Commit to a day of self-kindness. Pause throughout the day and examine how you are doing with this. How kind are you being? How difficult is it to be aware of your attitude toward yourself? Pay specific attention to any instances of self-kindness.

 

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