Day 31: Cultivating Even-Mindedness Toward Others

Welcome to 40 Days of Mindfulness and Compassion Day 31!

 

Lecture

As indicated earlier, self-compassion and compassion for others reinforce one another. Increased self-compassion can serve as an important bridge into deeper levels of compassion for others, and vice versa. Empathy is an important link between self and other, and a particular type of empathy is important in both self-compassion and compassion for others: an empathy that understands the profound similarity that exists between self and other.

Often the world is seen firstly and predominantly through the lenses of differences and comparisons. This comparing and judging mind evaluates self, others and situations. It is very useful and serves important functions. If the comparing mind becomes too predominant, however, such a mind can become problematic.

To soften the edges it can be helpful to engage in even-mindedness practice, which we have explored previously. When practiced consistently, this practice can soften some of the psychological rigidities that emerge for many of us. The assumptions and biases that we have in our relationships with others can lead to stereotypes and reactive emotions. By engaging in evenness practices, these can soften.

According to Susan Fiske, our biases, stereotypes and projections onto others often result in a process of dehumanization. Once dehumanized, another person (or group of persons) is not worthy of compassion, empathy or respect. In the dehumanization process, the other is perceived as fundamentally different. According to Thupten Jinpa, however, an attitude of common humanity is based on the power of perceived similarity.

From the perspective of common humanity, humanity comes first in terms of importance and differences come second. I really love this notion. Earlier in these 40 days, the concept of appraisal has been discussed. Appraisal involves our evaluations of self, other and environment. When cultivating a mind of equanimity and even-mindedness that perceives and recognizes the common humanity of others, I think that it is safe to say that we are working subtly with the appraisal process, which can be very transformative.

On the surface, this practice seems so straightforward and simple that the response might be “so what?” This type of practice matters because it gently confronts and challenges some of our ingrained habitual tendencies that tend to obscure our ability to be more loving and compassionate etc. Many of our habits run very deep, and so transforming them is a slow process. But if done regularly (even for very short periods) even-mindedness practice may result in noticeable results in daily life fairly quickly.

A powerful way to enhance the effectiveness of this type of contemplative practice is by means of “informal” practices. These practices are intended for contexts of daily life outside of formal meditation sessions. These can serve as powerful tools for integrating a contemplative mindset across domains of living and can give “a lot of bang for the buck.” A few minutes effort, here and there, can yield beneficial results. Informal practices relating to a perspective of common humanity, in my experiences, are particularly transformative and relatively easy to implement. Informal practices are suggested each day under the heading “Self-Reflective Activity.”

Day 31 Meditation: Equanimity

 

Self-Reflective Activity

When you find yourself in a public space, relax your mind and mindfully bring your attention to the situation that you are in. Gently allow your attention to discreetly focus on another individual, someone who is a stranger to you.  Notice any reactions that you have in body, thoughts or emotions as you direct your attention toward this stranger. Cultivate the recognition that you know very little about this individual. And then reflect on the similarity that exists between yourself and this stranger. For instance… Just like me, this person is engaged in important relationships. She knows what it is like to face challenges and disappointments. She wants to be loved and valued. Just like me she wants to contribute to her community. Just like me she wants to be happy and free from suffering.

 

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